Today is an example of the speed bumps I occasionally run into during this journey of seemingly bottomless hope and trust in the God and my future. I am lonely...but not necessarily for people. (This is not to exclude my desire/need for human contact today, but rather to focus on the root of this loneliness). I feel alone in my struggles. I am scared of and intimidated by my goals. The other day, I was not at all daunted by my lofty dreams of becoming a freelance animator via higher education, growing into a famous artist (not necessarily world-wide but I'd like to be known of and sought out), a wonderful cook, an avid reader, entrepreneur, and citizen of a large community-stimulating city...(I dare to continue aching for Chicago.) It all seems like a mountain to me today, and I feel as though I've lost the appropriate gear. I pray this washes over me and that all I believe is in store for me will come to pass; that I have the strength and insight to grab onto the opportunities I find. That I never quench this fire inside.
I borrowed a few books from the library on the subject of Animation drawing. So far, it seems to flow with my dreams as an artist. I think I will find it is the facet of art I will enjoy most. So far, this has just been a guess. I am reading about success and failure stories from animators, and the necessary steps to take in order to enter this field. I seem to have already taken some of the steps, I just need to go a little further. I need to go back to school. I met my friend's brother last Thursday (he was visiting from out-of-town) and had a wonderful conversation with him about my situation. He told me of his friend Sam, who is an animator in San Francisco. Sam is a freelance animator and also works for a catering company. Is he successful? In my opinion, yes. He is doing what he loves and making it work with the catering job. I have his contact info now and his website URL to browse.
I desire a sense of security, yet I do not want to feel grounded...or stuck, if you will. I like the idea of traveling, having jobs that are changing with a variety of projects to keep my mind sharp and creative. When I learned of Sam, I was excited. The security I seek is not to have one job for the rest of my life. The security I seek is to have a flow of artistic opportunities and knowing that I am able to put myself out there to find more. I want to do what I love, make money from it, and have the confidence to grow with it.
I bought a drawing table with the intention of wearing it out.
