The sky has fallen, and I am still alive. Though I'm confident in my ability handle such tragedy as had befallen these past months, I must attribute praise to God for holding me upright when I felt like crumbling. It's like the dream I had about walking through a dark forest. Though I could not see ahead of me and was discouraged with the lack of sunlight, I kept putting one foot in front of the other without pause. Eventually, the branches thinned above me and the sun peeked through while I ventured on to arrive at a clearing bathed in sunlight. My destination. My reward. My joy.
It's a difficult thing to move on from a broken heart when there is undoubtedly unfinished business. I've had to create my own form of closure so that I can pick up and move forward. There will be a discussion between us in the future, I think, and I am looking forward to that. I would love to have a healthy relationship with him, for once. However, I cannot wait around. I need to live now.
Ever since the healing process began, I've yearned to study art again. I have so many ideas in my head, but I find it difficult to put them on paper. It's not that I am incapable of expressing my thoughts. Just a couple weeks ago I sketched my frustration in a matter of seconds, and the release was indescribable. I lack vision of my audience, and focus of talent. What I need is to go back to school. I want to learn more specialized forms of artwork, and lately the area of animation has been most appealing. The excitement I feel and the yearning to create such expressions when I look through comic books or view a simple or complex animation tells me there's some real interest inside me. I've begun exploring the field and so far, I am hopeful. I'm interested in learning the technology and combining the science of motion with the art of expression and realism...or even surrealism. My upbringing and continued education have molded me into a creative mutt. I find that I'm addicted to both science and art, as I've tried both, and enjoyed both. Though I've discovered my heart favors art more, the idea of combining the two interests quickens my blood.
So, out of the rubble springs momentum to achieve my dreams and fill the hole in my heart. I'm researching art schools in the Midwest/Eastern region to see if there's a fit. This is my future, dammit. I'm excited. I'm on the move!
