Death Trap

Order and balance are essential in one's life and I feel it's a daily struggle to find and maintain both. Lately, I feel I've had neither. It's been this way for a couple months, though the source of imbalance and disorder has changed shape a few times.

Since my last post, I have moved out of student housing to a new apartment north of downtown, thanks to a successful roommate match through Craig's List. I have also acquired a job with an ice cream store, thanks to the wonderfully informative Career Services at my school. It feels good to have my own bedroom and an honest income.

Moving day was pretty hectic due to plans A and B falling through in regards to moving my stuff and plan C landing my stuff in the new apartment and me helping my friend move her stuff to Dayton, in hopes of me taking the truck to Toledo and bringing my furniture and other stored items here to Chicago. Unfortunately, time, money, and friends were not available to help move my stuff, so I had made the trip to Dayton in vain and had to return with an empty truck.

I have been sleeping on an air mattress for about three weeks with my things strewn about the room mostly still in boxes to keep some sort of order. Though I know the types of items that are in each box, I have trouble remembering exactly what individual items are contained. My "desk" is an upside down milk crate and my "bookshelves" are a stack of two milk crates with books heaped inside because there are too many to fit. I dream of my bed and my drawing table, both of which would make life much more comfortable and off the floor. My bookshelves would make my books readily available and help store other things I'd like to have visible and ready to use. I dream of selling all the furniture I have in storage and lightening my possessions, while relieving the obligation to pay for storing them.

Earlier this month, I had begun reading about feng shui and I must say it has made me think seriously about my environment and the way it can effect my mood, attitude, behaviour, and therefore my life. My room and belongings are in disarray, and well...so is my life, as of yet. Though a source of income, this store has become a vacuum of energy and time. I am working at an ice cream store that just opened up in a classy bar district on the west side. Last week I worked 50 hours, which included three 12 hour shifts. There were days we were so slammed busy, no one got a break nor a drink of water because if one second was lost in putting together orders, we would be backed up beyond repair. It's a physically trying job, to boot, and I come home so exhausted some nights (sometimes at 2:30am), I cannot think nor do anything other than pass out on my bed. I'm into my second week of summer classes full-time and am already behind in homework. My boss does not promise a better schedule, maintaining late late hours and long, exhausting shifts.

The worst part is, I have no "me" time. That really sucks.

I am on the hunt for a new job, and I might have found one through my roommate that will be higher paying and seems to be more student friendly. Maybe I'll be able to set aside enough time to go get my furniture from Toledo and set up some order in my room.

Here's hoping. I cannot function like this.